I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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