She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
