Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
