this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
