non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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