Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
