I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
