I showed him my bush... on skype.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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