I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
