Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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