Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
