i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
