I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
