i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
