I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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