we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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