If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
