My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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