This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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