Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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