Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize