from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
