We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
