he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
