i permit you to call me
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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