I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
