Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Barsexuality is the new black.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
