its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
