We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
