If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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