my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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