There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
