Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
