Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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