He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
