addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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