Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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