paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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