I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
