wrigley field is MILF paradise
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
