PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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