Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
