I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Is it penis luge time yet?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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