Porn is love you can see.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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