I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
