Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
