i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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