He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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