we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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