I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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