True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
