Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
