she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
