I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
