im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
