saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Randomize
