3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize