i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
this is an emotional support booty call
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
