I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
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