We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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