I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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