he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
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I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
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How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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