Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
