Pappa wants mamma naked
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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