I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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