One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
