i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
