i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I could fuck to npr.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
