Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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