You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
is wine microwaveable?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
