make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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