she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
