I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
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My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
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The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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