I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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