8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
