were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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