We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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