she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
