hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Randomize
